hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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