The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
