Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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