I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
