i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
