It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
His hands were made for my vagina.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
