In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
