Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
