I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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