on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
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