I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize