I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize