literally had 100 drinks last night.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
