You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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