She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
