that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
