I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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