The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize