YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
