yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
