She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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