i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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