I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
