Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
