oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
the day after is always just damage control
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
