I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
