My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
