his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
