Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
