My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
