WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
