I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
