I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
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