Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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