3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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