my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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