Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
vagina is talking i cant
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
