i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize