Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I CAN MOONWALK!
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
