I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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