im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
