I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
