you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize