these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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