I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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