After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
thus making me awesome and them whores
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
