Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
so much tequila, so little girl.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
