New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
