i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I need to stop coming to work sober
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
