I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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