So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
