Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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