So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
