In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
