i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
