please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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