yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
