That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
