she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
