I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
