The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
