I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I need help removing her.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize