Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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