Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I got inside last night via doggy door
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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