she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you will always have a special place in my vag
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
