I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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