And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We had sex on a dog bed..
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
